yay i'm back.

And i lived. [[go figure lol]]

i missed this place.

loves.

well, you can all tell me..."i told you so"

He was an ass.  Nothing matters to him but drugs.  He won't even stay sober enough to talk to me about it.

He promised nobody would find out. He said he wanted to be like "friends with benefits".  I can't believe anything he says.  He's always been the same.  I can't belive i wanted this so bad.

Now i feel like shit. I have to tell Paul...I want to talk to Kyle first.  I don't know what about but i just want to talk to him.  

For some reason i wanted to be with him again...  I wanted everything to be like it was. 

Now everything is all f*cked up!  I cheated. We made out...maybe just a little more. We didn't have sex. But still. Cheating is cheating right?

So, instead of going straight to Paul I went straight to my best friend.  He's talked to me for a couple hours tonight. He was surprised it was with Kyle but not surprised it happened.  I only told my best friend because this has happened to him.  He cheated on his gf but they got over it.  He's assured me that no matter what happens he would be there for me but...i don't want to break up. I know paul will probably break up with me but i don't want this to happen.  He's very protective, and somewhat jealous...but i don't care.  I want to be with him.

Who the hell do i want?

HELP!

OH my god...

What the Hell could have changed in an hour?!?!

I'm not txting him!

If he really wants to hang out tonight...he'll txt me.

he sounded like he did earlier...he had a good time last night

            -or so i thought-

whatever.